Snack Pack

This afternoon, Duke started getting fussy and I figured it was because he was hungry. I picked him up and we headed into the kitchen to find him a snack. I opened the fridge and saw one of his favorites... the snack pack. He loves that chocolate pudding! We got the pudding and a spoon and went to the living room to sit in the recliner to feed him. 

I usually put him in his high chair when he eats, but lately he climbs out of it almost immediately and I didn't have the fight in me, so we just skipped it altogether. 

He was so excited about his snack. He had his little fingers gripped around the spoon handle, hitting the top of the snack pack, begging me to open it up as he grunted his hungry "mmmm" noises. He was ready! 

I fed him the first few bites and he sat there so still, eager to take in every bit of it. But then eventually he started getting distracted and wanted to climb around the chair. Since I was holding the chocolate pudding, I made him sit back down, so he wouldn't spill it. He wasn't a fan of that so then he got fussy again. I'd shove another bite in his mouth and he gladly ate it, but he did not want to sit still. He had other things on his mind. 

Snack time ended when I tried to feed him another bite and he hit the spoon, sending the chocolate pudding flying through the air to land on my white rug. Then I was done.

I thought what are you doing kid? I'm giving you your favorite snack?! Spoon feeding it to you, actually... you aren't having to do any work, but you're just making a mess! What is your deal?

And then I thought wow, is this how God sees me?

There are times when God has given me exactly what I've asked for and I love it at first. Oh, how I love it. I'm so excited about it, can't believe I have it, it's mine, etc... and then maybe the new starts to wear off, and I get distracted. Maybe something else catches my eye. I still want what I had, but I'm not content with only that anymore. I want more. I get greedy, things become complicated, and before you know it, I've made a mess of things.

Don't you know God probably wants to ask those same questions to me? What are you doing, Meg? I've given you what you asked for?! Handed it to you, actually... you didn't even have to work for it, but you've just made a mess! What is your deal?

Oops. Guilty.

Isn't it funny how much our children can teach us about our own transgressions? Just when we think their behavior has exhausted us to our core, we realize we are no better. We do the exact same things to God. 

Boy, am I in an exhausting season of life. I've always wanted a big family, and I'm so incredibly thankful for our 4 children, but I'm here to say it is not for the faint of heart. Motherhood is hard. Most days by the time my head hits the pillow, I am drained! But God is using these tiresome little tots to mold me. 

I am learning more and more just how merciful our God is. I'm reminded every day that because He shows me mercy, I am to show mercy too. He forgives me of my messes, just like I'll forgive the chocolate pudding messes. 

After all, who could resist this chocolate covered face?

 

King of the Castle

I love my husband. 

Those four words basically sum up the entirety of this post, but what fun is that? Let's get into some details about the boy I fell in love with and about the man I married. Spoiler alert, it's the same guy. 

Lately I've found that I am a much better mom when he's around. On the occasional nights that he's gone for work, I'm not as much fun. I get annoyed by the kids quicker and my patience runs thin when the normal chaos ensues. When he's home though, he's like my sounding board, and he keeps me calmer. When the kids and the dogs should be driving me crazy, I'm able to look at him and we laugh it off together. I know plenty of wives who would like to kick their husbands to the curb when they are home too much, but that is just not me. I love being with Drew. It's my favorite place to be.

Last night, Olivia got to ride to the Panther basketball game with a few of her friends. She sat with them during the game and we made sure to wave real big at her from across the arena, just to keep her humble. She was having so much fun that she didn't want the night to end without them so during the 4th period, she came over and asked if one of her friends could spend the night.

I said no for a few reasons. #1, she knows better than to come ask me and put me on the spot. We've had plenty of conversations about that. #2, with Duke not sleeping well, I didn't want to add any extra noise to the house. And #3, I told her it would be impolite to the other 2 friends that she was sitting with to only invite one. I reassured her that we could plan it for another night so I could be prepared. She walked away and gave me the saddest look. She was so disappointed and it bothered me that I hadn't just caved in and said yes.

Some of my greatest memories of being a little girl are from when I got to have sleepovers with my friends. One of my friends' moms always said yes and it never seemed to matter how many girls showed up. I always thought I wanted to be like that when I became a mom. But here I had the chance and I said no.

A few minutes later she came back and asked if all of them could spend the night so no one's feelings would be hurt. My initial response was absolutely not! I just said no to one friend, what makes you think I would agree to three? But Drew, being the chilled out Dad that he is, asked me why not? Just think of all the memories they'd be making together and you'd get to be the cool mom... 

So I caved. I agreed. Yep, that's fine. They can all spend the night.

Her entire face lit up! She was so excited! She ran back to her friends and they started making plans. They stayed up late, entertained themselves with MarioKart and makeovers and then slept in the next morning. 

I had an 8 mile run to do so Drew told me to go enjoy my run and he would handle everything. He sent me a text during my run... he had made breakfast for all the girls. 

I don't think he knows how much little moments like that mean to me. And I know the girls don't realize how precious of a daddy they have, but they'll come to know it in time. He cranked up the hot tub for them after breakfast and they sat in the bubbles drinking their Cokes, living the 10 year old dream. Turns out letting them have the sleepover was the right decision. They did have a fabulous time together and made lots of memories, because Drew is a cool dad. 

During my run this morning, I was trying to keep my brain occupied and off the fact that I wanted to stop and walk. It hit me that since this year is 2021, that means that next year Drew and I will have been together for 20 years. WHAT. Am I even old enough for that? Yikes. One day you're 15 years old sneaking rides to Sonic with your secret boyfriend because you're afraid your parents think you're too young to date... then all of a sudden you're sneaking up on a 20 year relationship. 

Just when I think that I couldn't possibly love him more than I already do, God proves me wrong. Somehow He draws us closer together and our love grows deeper with each passing year. Our marriage is better than a silly old fairytale and we have so much fun together. He is my best friend and I want to be with him all the time. 

He leads our family with a strong confidence in the Lord. He's so patient and slow to anger. For someone who claims not to be very compassionate, he sure spends a lot of time putting others first. He always makes me laugh, whether it's with him or at him. He shows the kids affection and the girls especially soak it up. He's the king of our castle. He takes Charlotte hunting with him and she eats up the one on one attention. Olivia will confide in him about things that happened during her day at school. She'll even talk about boys with him. He messes with Sadie and makes her laugh. Duke loves him too. When he wakes up from his naps, he loves to go find Daddy.

The way he loves me is selfless and whole hearted, holding nothing back. He makes me feel special and cherished, like a treasure. Not that I think I deserve that title, but he makes me feel as though I do. I love date nights with him when we get dressed up and get out of the house. But between 4 kids and Covid, those don't happen as often as I'd sometimes like so we find other ways to have "dates." Whether we're watching a movie after the kids go to bed, playing scrabble in the kitchen, or just hanging out in the living room, he gives me his undivided attention and there's no place else in the world I'd rather be. 

Eighteen and a half years of loving this man and we're only getting started. I pray the Lord continues to bless our marriage, our friendship, and our family. I pray that we continually seek His guidance in all that we do, because without God, our marriage wouldn't be what it is today. To think that I found my forever love when I was still a young girl leaves me in awe of my Creator. Only He could've written such a beautiful love story for us. A story that, Lord willing, has many many more chapters.

I love you, Drew. Thanks for being everything to me.

Duke Owen Baker

One of my favorite things to talk about is the birth of my babies. The joy, the excitement, the unknown of it all is like a rush of emotions, and I love to relive it over and over. Since Duke is almost a year old, I figured I better jot his story down before I forget it! Some details are already fleeting, so thankfully I had notes in my phone!

Let me just start off by saying how ecstatic we were to find out that he was a boy! Drew wanted and was convinced it was another girl. I just remember being on cloud 9 after we had his ultrasound... every day felt like Christmas! 

Since I had a partial abruption with Sadie, I had to be extra cautious this time around... no running, no heavy lifting, minimal physical activity... my doctor didn't want to take any chances. As I got closer to the end of my pregnancy, I started getting a little uncomfortable but nothing out of the ordinary. I was blessed to have felt as good as I did towards the end.

However, the last few weeks I was convinced that she would check me and say I was dilated because I thought I could tell that things were progressing or he was dropping or something! But nope. Every week, she'd say, "well... nothing! You're not dilated at all! Not even a little bit!" I'd leave so discouraged, but thankful everything was fine.

She set me up for an induction at 39 weeks because she wanted to be in control of my labor and didn't want me having him when I couldn't get to the hospital in time. We went in super early Friday, January 23, 2020 at 5:30. We got checked in, signed papers, changed into my hospital gown, and settled in for the long haul. 

Around 7:30 Dr. Watson came in to break my water and they started me on Pitocin. The nurses brought a big ball in for me to sit on in hopes of getting Duke to drop and help me dilate. Drew and I sat around talking, joking, laughing, and making guesses of what Duke would be like. I could feel some contractions, but they were very manageable. Nothing painful yet.

Drew left mid morning to go grab some breakfast. He was nervous about leaving me but I assured him I'd be fine. I was nowhere near close to having the baby. When he left, I turned on the Lindsay McCaul station on Pandora and sat there on my ball, humming to my baby boy. It was such a calm and peaceful morning.

A little before 11 Dr. Watson came by again. I had started to dilate but Duke was still sitting high. She suggested I go ahead and get my epidural because she knew how fast I labor once I get going, and she wanted to make sure I had time to get it. I sort of felt like I was cheating the system. I hadn't even gotten to the painful contractions yet?! But she assured me the epidural would not wear off and it would be fine. I agreed, and I got the epidural about 11 that morning.

The nurses brought in a peanut ball and I held in between my knees while I laid on my left side for about 30 minutes. The nurse checked me again, but there was no progress so she told me to flip over to my right side. After laying there for a bit, I started making some progress. She checked me again and I was 6cm. She said she felt something over his head but wasn't sure what it was. It was either the umbilical cord or his hand above his head.

She waited until my next contraction and checked me again and he dropped right then! She told me to call for her if I started feeling pressure. She came back about 20 minutes later and I was 8cm. I was feeling pressure at this point and told her I almost had the urge to push. 

About 20 more minutes went by and she checked me one more time. She said I was almost fully dilated, and they helped me get on my back. Dr. Watson and the nurses came in. Everyone was getting dressed, scurrying around getting ready for a baby! That's one of my favorite moments. There's such excitement in the air and it's almost baby time! 

I pushed through 2 contractions and he was born! He came out sideways "like a linebacker." Since he took so long to drop, he didn't spend much time in the birth canal so he had a perfectly shaped melon, according to Dr. Watson.

They immediately laid him on my chest and he just laid there melting into me. I couldn't even see him because he was so close to my face but I didn't care. It didn't matter what he looked like in that moment, because my son was here. He was alive and healthy and all was right in our world. The nurse offered to take him to get his measurements and I remember saying, "Not yet... just let me hold him a little bit longer!"

Also, we think it must've been his little hand that the nurse felt over his head because when he was born, he had a tiny scratch on the top of his head. 

Funny story... while Duke was laying on my chest, I couldn't see well because he was blocking my view but I could feel something on my stomach. I grabbed it and asked Drew, "Aww, is this his foot?" Drew had the most disgusted look on his face and said, "Ugh! NO. DON'T TOUCH THAT!" Turns out, it was the umbilical cord. Lol!