A Third Blessing

I wrote this almost a year ago. It was about a week after we found out we were pregnant with Sadie and for some reason I just never posted it. So here it is now...

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I cannot even begin to describe the excitement and joy that has filled my heart.

I used to dream about a day when we might be "surprised" by a positive pregnancy test but in the back of my mind I never thought it would be possible. I had to use Clomid to get pregnant with Olivia, then I went through 23 months of infertility struggles to get pregnant with Charlotte. Those 23 months were filled with multiple doctors, medications, shots (some were even self-given), a miscarriage, and 2 IUI attempts. It was so heartbreaking. I've written about it before so I won't go back through all the details, but it was tough. But finally, on Mother's Day 2013, we got pregnant with Charlotte!

I say all of this to support my thinking that I really never thought we'd be able to have a baby on our own. And I was ok with that. In fact, Drew and I had already started weighing our options about baby #3. I was due for an annual check-up in March so I was planning on asking my doctor then what she would suggest we do. Maybe start off with Clomid again? Or just cut to the chase and head straight to the infertility doctor in Shreveport where we had our IUIs done?

After having Charlotte, we were open to having another baby. Of course we wanted one... not too soon, but if the Lord blessed us with another baby we would've been thrilled, no matter the timing! And then nothing happened, which wasn't surprising given my history, and I was also still breastfeeding which tends to lessen your chances of getting pregnant. I would sporadically take pregnancy tests just to "make sure" I wasn't pregnant and after several negative tests, I just stopped taking them. It brought back lots of memories of one negative test after another when trying after Olivia and I was determined not to beat myself up with grief like I did back then.

I had one cycle in December and that was it. Nothing since then, which also wasn't surprising. That's very normal for me so I never gave it a second thought.

Last Sunday we ate lunch with some friends at a Mexican restaurant after church and then came home to get ready for the annual Youth Bake Sale that night. The entire time I was baking my cake I was having horrible chest pains. It hurt all throughout my chest and even spread to my shoulders and down my arms a little... it was actually sort of scary. It would not go away! I finally went and laid down in bed to get some relief and I told Drew about it. He said,

"It's probably just heartburn from lunch."
"No, it can't be heartburn. I only get that when I'm pregnant."

Then said, "Alright!!" And tried to fist bump me.
"Listen, I would love to fist bump you over that, but I can tell you right now that's not possible!"

A little while later Drew left for church and I was in the kitchen finishing up my cake. I kept thinking about what he said. Heartburn. Honestly, I've never had it when I wasn't pregnant, and I just couldn't shake the thought. I knew I had a couple of tests still in the bathroom drawer and I thought what the heck!? I'll take one just to clear the air and get it off my mind. It'll be negative like it usually is and I'll go about my business. No big deal.

As soon as those 3 little drops hit the test and the results started to creep up the strip, I immediately saw a dark red line. And then another red line. 2 lines? What in the world? Like an idiot, I checked the box again to make sure I was reading this thing right! It was positive. My brain automatically started thinking of reasons why this had to be a false positive. I think I was just too scared to get excited! I had one more test left in the drawer so I quickly tore it open and tested it too, just to make sure the first wasn't a fluke. Same thing... 2 dark red lines!

Boy, then I really started having chest pains! Ha! It was such a mixture of emotions. Total shock, joy, happiness, and a little disbelief. I think my brain freaked out for a little while. I knew I had to tell Drew. I couldn't just call him and it was way too important to text, and I couldn't wait one more minute!! So I just loaded Charlotte up in the car (Livy was at Pappy and Annie's), grabbed the positive tests, and drove straight to the church to find Drew.

The whole way I prayed,

"Lord... thank you! Thank you, thank you, thank you! Wait. Is this real? Lord, if this is real, thank you! If this isn't real... no, it's real. Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

Drew met me at the car and I said,

"So I figured out why my chest was hurting so bad..." and I held out the tests in my hand.
"What is that??"
"What does it look like?"
I could see his wheels turning verrrrry slowly and then he got it. "Really?"
"Yep!!!"
"Really??"
"Yes!!!"
"Seriously???"
"YES!!!!!"
"Man, that's awesome!!"

Then we sat there in the parking lot giggling and searching for words... with our 12 month old in the back seat! Who will now be a big sister?!

I tell ya... I am SO EXCITED! I really feel like we've defied all odds here. We got pregnant on the very first try while I'm still breastfeeding. I really can't grasp how it happened so so easily this time around. Thanks be to God, that's for sure!

I feel a little like the father from the book of Mark. The father asked Jesus if He could heal his demon possessed son...
23Jesus said unto him, If thou canst believe, all things are possible to him that believeth.
24And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou mine unbelief.

How many times have I thought that exact same thing? I believe, but help my unbelief. Lord, I know You can, I'm just not sure if You will. In this instance, He can and He did. I don't feel worthy of being blessed this much but I am ever so grateful and thankful!

Charlotte's 1st Steps!

I actually wrote this a month ago and apparently just forgot to post it! Oops!

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Yesterday morning, we were in Charlotte's room taking pictures for her birthday invitations. I set up a little backdrop with wrapping paper and had gotten a few shots of her sitting in front of it.

She can stand up by herself if she's leaning against something so I propped her up against the backdrop to get some pictures of her standing up. She was standing there smiling and out of nowhere she just started walking to me! She took about 3 or 4 steps and made it all the way to me!!! I was screaming, Livy was screaming, and Charlotte was just a squealing and laughing. 

Somehow I managed to take this picture of her in the midst of the excitement. I was so shocked! I couldn't believe it! 

When Livy was her age all she wanted to do was hold someone's hands and walk around but Charlotte has taken absolutely no interest in walking at all. As soon as I try to walk with her he just sits down. So when she just took off walking towards me it was such a surprise! 

She's taken a couple steps here and there since then but nothing like that one time. 

 

Be My Baby

Somehow I'm constantly amazed at the things Charlotte does... like I haven't raised a little girl before? With Olivia, I remember I was always getting her to try new stuff and pushing her to do the next thing... crawling, walking, talking, etc. But with Charlotte, I've found myself just wanting her to "be my baby."

 

Sometimes I start to feel bad about it - like I'm somehow giving her the short end of the stick. But then I snap back to reality and realize she is doing just fine!

 

Today I left her playing in the living room while I went to the bedroom to start sorting out the laundry. When I came back in the room I found her sitting in the Minnie Mouse chair, with a bracelet on, and playing with her baby doll. It was like I was looking at a toddler. I couldn't believe my eyes!

 



She is really growing up too fast! I miss her being my newborn, but at the same time it is so nice now that she's getting older. Just this past week, she's really started playing with Livy. She follows her everywhere and wants to do everything Livy does. And thankfully, Livy is usually very good at obliging. It definitely makes my life a little easier. I'm able to get things done, like laundry, dishes, and just general cleaning. They'll play in the playroom together for a really long time!

I'm so thankful for my girls, and looking forward to Charlotte's big birthday party in a couple weeks!

Mommy Daughter Day

On Friday morning, we dropped Charlotte off with Pappy and Annie (and Livy bawled her eyes out because "she was gonna miss Charlotte so much!") then Livy and I headed off to Texarkana. 

She had an appointment with an ENT doctor. She keeps getting strep throat about every 2-3 months... 5 times in less than a year and a half. So her doctor wanted an ENT doctor to check her out and see if a tonsillectomy was necessary. 

He said she was borderline on "needing" the surgery so he wants to give her a little more time. If she keeps getting strep every few months then he said he would recommend doing the surgery. But if she goes several months without getting it, then he said it probably isn't necessary yet. 

That was a relief to me. I'm all for it IF it's absolutely what she needs but I certainly don't want to put her (or Drew and I) through that unless we have to. The thought of her being wheeled down the hall on a hospital bed to be put under anesthesia and have her tonsils removed is almost more than I can handle. I can't think about it!

After her appointment I let her choose where to eat lunch. She wanted cheese dip so we went to Chili's. We shared some queso and a chocolate cake with ice cream. 

Then we did lots of shopping! I had some Christmas cash and gift cards that were begging to be spent. Who am I to say no? :) Livy was an excellent shopping buddy. It's not often I get to shop without Charlotte so normally I'm in a rush... Get in, get what I need, and get out. But yesterday we took our time, tried clothes on, and spent all our quarters on bouncy balls and horsey rides. 

The whole day Livy worried about Charlotte. 

"I miss Charlotte."

"I wonder what Charlotte is doing right now?"

"I wish I could play with Charlotte."

I thought it was so sweet how she missed her little sister. Between stores I let her call to check on Charlotte and as soon as Pappy answered the phone Livy asked,

"Is Charlotte having fun over there?"

And of course she was. She was at the fun house, after all. 

I had such a fun day with my big girl... And it was pretty nice coming home to my little girl too! 

Chicken Spinach Alfredo

We decided to take turns being the pizza chef and this week was all me. I decided to do what I'm calling my Chicken Spinach Alfredo pizza. Drew said if I owned a restaurant I'd have to come up with something a little less boring. He suggested The Green Haired Chicken. Eh.

I rolled out the dough and then I spread on my homemade alfredo sauce (which I also learned from PW). Have I mentioned she's saved my life in the kitchen?

Next I added spinach that I cooked in a pan with a little butter, salt, and a tad bit of lemon juice.

Then I put down some sliced tomato.

Next came the cooked chicken seasoned with olive oil, Chicken Tickler, and Seasoned salt.

Then I topped it all with lots of mozzarella cheese.

Baked it in the oven at 500° for 12 minutes... and voila!

And can I just say YUM?! It was so delish!

Pepperoni

Since I discovered Pioneer Woman's pizza dough, we decided to make Pizza Night a thing.

We started last Tuesday night with just a plain old pepperoni pizza to test out the pizza dough... and it was a hit! The dough recipe is awesome and so easy! A lot of times homemade pizza dough is really thin and crispy (not that anything is wrong with thin crust) but this dough is just like a hand-tossed pizza. It's great!

So since it turned out so well Drew had the idea of making a different pizza every week. I thought this would be a fun little way of keeping up with our creations. And when we run out of ideas, I can go back and repeat some of our favorites.

 

 

Little Sister

 

If I had to pick one word to describe Miss Charlotte these days it would be...

 

BUSY.

 

Oh man, is she busy. It's tough to get her to stay still long enough to get her picture. Of course, she thinks she needs to do everything Olivia does. Sometimes that makes my life a little more difficult, but most of the time it's totally cute!

 

Here she is sporting her first ponytail...

 

And here she is making a bigger mess helping me with laundry. This girl can pull everything out of a drawer/box/cabinet in about 3 seconds flat. I'm sure that skill will come in handy at some point in her life... although at this time I'm at a loss for what that might be. She helped me sort through her socks, tights, and bloomers yesterday and she meant business! As soon as I put one in her basket, she would pick it up and throw it over her head!

 

As busy as she is though, she always has time for her mama. I'm still her #1 (she hasn't quite discovered how cool her dad is yet). I love her sweet snuggles! She lays her head on my shoulder and pats my back. I also can't get enough of her chubby little hands reaching up for me. When I come in her room after her nap, she reaches up for me with a big grin. When she's done with her snack in her highchair, she reaches for me with mushy food stuck to her fingers. When I walk in the church nursery to pick her up after services, she reaches for me and then quickly waves goodbye to her friends. I love that she needs me.

 

It's so hard to believe she'll be ONE year old in just a few weeks. Charlotte's first year has gone by so incredibly fast!